The all important IUB code of ethics.

The all important IUB code of ethics. Compiled by Axel and immediately accepted by all and sundry:

1. Refer to your bike in the feminine gender it makes it easier to call her a bitch when she is broken .
2. When riding with a passenger and no windscreen duck down unexpectedly when an eighteen wheeler goes by to give them the feeling of wind in their face, a true “in the wind experience”
3. Order breakfast at 4:00 PM and say a hearty good morning to every one in the restaurant .
4. Be sure not to hawk loogies into the back of a pick up truck (it may be your ticket home) this is especially true for harley owners .
5. Etiquette dictates you must always turn your back to large groups of people while urinating unless of course you are trying to impress that special someone .
6. Smile at the gold wing riders and remember the non surpressor plugs really give em static on ther head sets.
7. Belch loudly in a restaurant after gulping down a large meal, chugging a beer will help this. If you normally have a problem its always good to say something while belching. A word like ralph seems to come to mind . If you get a lot of attention you may try chewing as if a bit of your supper came back up and your enjoying it again .
8. When passing a citizen in a station wagon half fulla laundry on a hot sunny day be sure to smile and make sure he KNOWS you’re having the time of your fucking life …..
9. Follow the citizen to the laundry mat and watch as he takes out the clothes from the bag ask if there is room in the washer for your tee shirt take it off and say here YOU smell … a compliment with regard to his wives bra size will always win you points .
10 . This is the most important one and really the only one I’m serious about .
Be nice to little old ladies they might be someone’s mom ………
11.When riding with a member, an appie must be willing and able at a moments notice to “moon “ any offending motorists that may cut you off. holding the pose for as long as it takes to gross out the driver of the other car . A few well placed crunchees (willnots) will make the job easier ………
12.When in a new town always greet the cop with a full open mouth kiss even if its fulla tobacco juice, comment on his “big Gun “ and be carefull not to spit it on his uniform when you realize what you have been blessed with .
13. When eating pizza in a restaraunt tell every one who will listen how the topping reminds you of an old girlfrend with an acne problem going into great detail with regards to the motsarella cheese and how picking the olives off kinda reminds you of………
14. Staying at a motel presents a special problem to a biker. The doorway must be measured and be wider than the bars or bags on your bike. Taking a picture of the bike in bed with you will be easier if you have some friends to help put it in for you and it will explain the wet spot when your OL gets back from shopping …..
15. Now picking ones nose is normal and citizens do it LOTS, especially at a traffic light a well tuned biker will be watching for it and “tell the world”so to speak, jumping off the bike yelling PICKER and pointing ones finger at them jumping up and down … is the accepted way to announce to the world what you have just witnessed . You would think ya just caught em jerking off.
16. Farting is to be considerd one of natures little jokes, a way to make you laugh even when you’re feeling down. A way for people from all walks of life to be able to comunicate with each other. A biker must realize he is blessed with the unique ability to make people laugh. Tuning is necesary to get the right pitch and volume being carefull not to go too far and shit ones self . Lighting the farts (blue angels ) will definately have some adverse effects on the fragrance, however will provide some unusual visual stimulaton . This should be performed in a public place which is not to well lit and preferably not windy . Remember the citizens expect it from us and it would be a shame to let em down . Eating burritoes and drinking beer will enhance the aroma of ones farts being carefull to not drink too much beer as the affects will be devastating .
17. This one is serious ……… Brother (sister) hood has no price tag . It cannot be bought, its a feeling…. a feeling of belonging, a feeling of knowing you’re with your own kind, with the people who make you feel at home, loved and warm . It happens when two people meet and cannot ever explain the bond created . Its Goose bumps on your arms when you think of some of the things said by your brothers or sisters . Also its taking someone at face value accepting them for what they are and not trying to be some one you’re not . Maybe I’m being too emotional, perhaps its suposta be a little lighter than this but I’m sorry its coming out . Its crying when you have to say goodby to some one you have only known in real life for a matter of hours . Its wanting to go back next year and counting the days …….
18. When Visiting at a fellow bikers house its always necessary to make a lasting impresson …. One must be sure to close the bathroom window and shut down the exhaust fan when using the shitter in the morning Even if it means crapping in the dark. Hell ya always been able to find it to wipe that sucker before. After leaving the bathroom smile widely showing off your bleeding gums and exclaim “Sure hope I used the Guest toothbrush”…..