I had the opportunity to witness Axel diving head first into the sand and disappear in a dust cloud. It was absolutely hilarious THE FUN NEVER SETS
Well, they poured over maps and made plans and took compass readings and shit and all they could come up with was that they needed to get to Vioolsdrift, the border crossing between South Africa and Namibia. They knew from Vioolsdrift they could make their way through the Richtersveld to a place called Eksteenfontein and from there they could reassess and if necessary, start turning homewards. they were still just off the topographic map Axel got from a cousin and it felt like it would be a major achievement just to appear on the map, so to speak. It would also have the advantage that they could start using the GPS Axel had brought along.

So when morning on day 3 dawned, they started looking for petrol and a shop as they decided to prepare for at least one night in the bushes but possibly as much as 3. they filled the jerry cans with petrol and water, bought some more food and then they were ready to go. Beetlejuice took the ceramic milk jug back so he knows it’s back safely and greeted the owners. They had a wonderful stay there and would look back to that camping spot as one of the nicer ones.

Directions were given to a fork in the road next to a date tree but they both missed it the first time (the entire area is covered in date trees as they are the second largest date producers in the world). They got to see some more of the farm, which was nice but with their rears being so saddle sore they could have done without. It also burned some precious fuel.

When they found the 4 x 4 trail it was absolutely atrocious. The sand was soft, deep and red and there were hard patches where the bike would just take off as it found traction, almost leaving you behind. And there were millions of gates and Beetlejuice once again had to do his thing. The bikes were heavy and handled the sand very badly. They had to stand on the footpegs for most of the way to keep the bikes upright and in line.

Just as Beetlejuice was beginning to wonder what the hell they were doing there, his spirits lifted as he stopped to open a gate and had the opportunity to witness Axel diving into the sand and disappear in a dust cloud. It was absolutely hilarious watching him get up, spitting sand and trying to get the heavily packed bike upright again and then proceeded to start pumping away at the kick starter. He got it going and made his way over to where Beetlejuice was parked, looking sheepish.

Beetlejuice was still giggling when they took off again and straight away his bike developed a mind of it’s own and headed for a sand dune, depositing Beetlejuice head first into the sand. So then it was Axels turn to laugh his arse off.

That was pretty much the order of the morning. You’d be on your merry way, thinking happy thought when all of a sudden the bike would start heading somewhere where you didn’t want to go and the end result was always the same, although the times you managed to fool yourself into thinking you’re going to save it varied. They finally got sick and tired of this and stopped for some sweet corn and viennas - call it brunch. That also marked the end of the 4×4 trail and they got on to a good, if badly corrugated gravel road. they started seeing Toyota signs and they seemed to be going into their general direction (they were numbered). Before to long it was almost reassuring to see them. They were to lead them into peril later in the day as they got so used to them they started following them.

When they got to a T-junction at around 12 o’clock they had to decide whether to head for the better gravel roads or brave the unknown. Obviously they headed for the unknown almost without thinking. From the GPS they were certain they were close to the Orange river and after about another hours riding they got to a little town. Beetlejuice couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the International sign for tourist information outside a grass hut, but there were no one there. They eventually found a woman in a tree, they’re still wondering what on earth she was doing up there, who pointed them down a canyon and said the road is good because they graded it on Monday. That made it easy to find the right road and they rode through thick sand, past some houses and eventually right next to the river. Beetlejuice wanted to take a swim in the river - actually Beetlejuice had visions of running into the river clothes and all and laying there for an hour or so but Axel’s tales of huge crocodiles discouraged him slightly and so they just took some photos and took off.

Soon afterwards the road swung inland. This was disappointing, as they wanted to follow the river all the way to Vioolsdrift, so they started looking for short cuts. After stopping at two closed cafes (like derelict buildings with Coke signs outside) they pulled into a couple of houses, can’t really call it a town, where some guys were laying in the shade outside a garage.

These guys said they should follow the road, there’s no other way. Maybe 5 km’s down the gravel road there was a half buried tyre with 4 x 4 written in yellow on it and a Toyota sign. It had to mean something so they decided to follow it. The general direction also appeared to point towards Vioolsdrift. Once again the sand was crisscrossed with tracks so they found some fresh tracks and followed those. The thinking was that maybe the 4 x 4 making those fresh tracks was also doing the same as they were doing. They found a windmill and there was an old caravan parked next to it with a hut made of old hardboard and plastic bags. Some sheep were shitting away next to a dam. When they pulled up a woman emerged and confirmed that road goes to Vioolsdrift and that a 4 x 4 went that way earlier today and hasn’t come back.

Just so you grasp the stupidity about what they were about to do, allow me to explain some things. The roads aren’t roads, just tracks made by a couple of vehicles. Their bikes were clapped out and squirting oil. They were tired. With them they had a compass, a GPS, a useless topo map and enough fuel for 200km (from Pella) of which they’ve already used a good amount.

Neither of them had been there before and where they were headed were huge mountains. Following the road the closest town, Steinkopf, was nearby enough so they could make it with their petrol. If they were able to head directly, as the crow flies, to Vioolsdrift their petrol would easily make it, but if they got lost they could run out of fuel and probably die a death similar to that sheep. So without further ado they were on their merry way into the unknown, bouncing off trees and peddling sand.

After about 15 km’s they had a decision to make and looking back, Beetlejuice can’t believe they did what they did. They came to a crossing of sorts. There was a fence, two cement dams (both empty). Then there was a Toyota sign pointing north-ish and the by now familiar half buried tyre with 4 x 4 written on it, pointing north westerly.

Beetlejuice took it upon himself to follow the Toyota signs because he liked Toyotas. Axel looked sceptical but what the hell does he know anyway. So they set off along a dry riverbed they were following. After struggling through the thick river sand for about 10 km’s (took them almost an hour) they got to a sign that said “View point” right and “Camping” left. they decided a nice view might be a photo opportunity and headed that way.

Besides it might be a good place to have a break. they had to struggle through maybe another 10 km of thick sand with the bikes mostly doing their own thing and nearly falling onto rocks a couple of times. Beetlejuice rode through more than one bush because you can’t stop and changing direction is almost impossible - unless you like falling and pushing your bike to get it moving before trying to leap on it. Do-able but it required some dexterity and enthusiasm neither of them had left. The viewpoint was a major disappointment. The road just sort of stopped and that was that. View away and bugger off.

So they struggled back the way they came. Beetlejuice decided to push on a bit and even more bushes were run over and Axel was fortunate enough to witness a thick sand version of a high side on one sharp corner. When they got back to the sign, it was around 3 o’clock and the sun was beating down.

Next they followed the sign to the campsite, hoping to find a lot of Toyotas with cold beer and big screen TV’s. What followed then was the hardest part of the trip up till then. They went down a huge canyon, following a dry riverbed. You’d struggle through sand where the bike just digs in, then you have to turn to avoid some mean looking rocks - sometimes the turning manoeuvre was unsuccessful and you had to go over whatever it was you didn’t want to ride over. Then you’d have to crawl through boulders and work up a head of steam to be able to make it up a steep sand dune, only to find you shouldn’t have gone so fast because there’s almost nothing on the other side - or a big rock or a sharp corner - sometimes both. Hard, hard work but hey, they were on their way to Vioolsdrift. they stopped more than once to drink some water. It was terribly hot in that canyon and there was no shade. they tried to ride over to some overhanging rocks once but they got so stuck in the sand they didn’t bother again. The canyon was about 20 to 30 meters deep with steep rock on both sides and must have been an impressive river during the rainy season. Now it was dry sand, dead animals and near dead bikers. More than once Axel wondered if they would ever make it out of that hell hole of a canyon or would they eventually be washed out to sea as bits of skeleton and petrol tanks

All the while Beetlejuice was thinking, “when is this going to stop, I can’t take much more of this”. Then they got to an open area and all of a sudden the fresh tracks they’ve been following stopped. Then they turned around, head down another ravine and come back to try another. It was not a good sign as it appeared the canyon was a dead end. they tried to make their way through but there was the possibility that they’d just end up in another dead end. It was a good time to transfer the last fuel to the bikes and with his bike unpacked Beetlejuice went looking for sign. Beetlejuice found where the 4 x 4 went down and went back to go and share the good news. Axel was sitting under a thorn tree, next to the remains of a stinking dead cow munching some viennas and chatting to a tall, skinny shepherd.

Finding the shepherd in that godforsaken part of the country seemed surreal. Apparently he just waltzed out of the bushes and started chatting to Axel. That must have been a sight because Axel can understand Afrikaans but always answers back in English and Beetlejuice thinks the shepherd might never have heard English in his life, so there was a combined sigh of relief as he rode up. The shepherd was very interested in the bikes, apparently he hasn’t seen many and he was under the impression that they were very fast (because they were so big). He also seemed flabbergasted that they could carry all their stuff with them and had a good laugh at the bent teapot lashed to the back of Beetlejuice’s bike.

Anyway, he had some information they were after. The canyon was a dead end. The 4 x 4 they were following was parked a couple of hundred meters from where they were sitting (they came here to camp) and the road they needed was the one where they followed the Toyota signs instead of the half buried tyre. It meant they had to struggle back through the thick sand for kilometres! And there they were hoping the going would get better. To top it all the GPS couldn’t see any satellites down in the steep sided canyon and the shadows were getting long, it must have been between five and six in the evening, leaving them with about 2 hours of light, limited fuel and absolutely no enthusiasm. they didn’t talk much but set off the way they came, knowing exactly what was waiting and not keen to do it again but they had to get it over with. Axel was silently cursing himself for following Beetlejuice. You’d think he’d learn…

Needless to say the dry river bed was ridden as fast as they could, whenever they fell, they bounced right up, got the bike going and ran next to it until it was unstuck, then leapt on and got as far as they could. When they got to the crossroad at the two cement dams it was starting to get very windy and the shadows were really long. They discussed their predicament like adults (it’s called full contact discussions) and realised they don’t have enough petrol in the bikes to go all the way back to the dirt road and ride down to Goodhouse and follow that road to the N7. they also didn’t have enough petrol (or daylight)
to get lost again. So they decided they’ll follow the half buried tyres and hope for the best. If one of the bikes ran out of petrol - which seemed likely as they had no idea what the thick sand did to their fuel consumption but it couldn’t be good - they’ll camp and combine the petrol in one bike and see if one of them could make it out the next day. Neither of them really felt like camping on the windy mountaintop so they got going.

The first part of the road was thick sand but they were getting quite used to that so no one fell. Beetlejuice felt that if he fell he wouldn’t have been able to get on the bike again. At that stage they’ve been riding since 8 the morning and Beetlejuice’s ass was sore and his legs and arms very tired. Both were tired, thirsty and hungry, and more than a bit worried. There were lots of forks in the road where they had to make “on the move” decisions and they just kept going into the general direction of Vioolsdrift (allowing for mountains etc) as the GPS was working again and they had a fix on the map.

Beetlejuice remembers one mountaintop with sand roads and there were like 3 different roads running almost parallel to each other but each disappearing down a different canyon. Just as they’d get really worried one of them would spot the 4 x 4 sign, point it out and keep going with renewed strength.

Then after negotiating a very steep mountain track they got to the top of the mountain and there was a diesel tank with a generator and a well with no water. It was very windy there and the sun was setting fast, it must have been close to seven o’clock at night. Neither of them really wanted to camp in the sand and the dust and the tyres were reassuring so they pushed on. This part of the road was very steep and rocky. Some of the hills they had to climb were very frightening with deep cliffs and rocky surfaces. If you put a wheel wrong here you’d be history.

They rode and rode, then as they came around a bend they started heading down the mountain into a sandy plain. Their hearts sank, more sand and it was a huge plain, it would take them hours to cross it. Then Beetlejuice saw something reflect the sun way to the other side of the plain. Then another one. It was car windows. It had to be the N7. they were riding at the time and Axel was in front and riding like he was possessed so Beetlejuice didn’t know if he also saw it but it certainly took some pressure off. If they ran out of petrol now, at least they would be able to make the highway.

They got to the N7 as the sun was setting. Remember they had no lights on the bikes, so they hardly stopped, then headed north to Vioolsdrift and before to long they saw a sign that said Vioolsdrift 30 km. It was a long 30 km but the last part as they went down into the orange river valley was beautiful and the road surface good with a lot of bends.

They came barrelling around a bend only to see lights flashing and luminous cones in the road. A roadblock. Surely this couldn’t be after all they’d been through. If the police did anything more than a very casual inspection they’d find enough things wrong on the bikes to have to send back to HQ or whatever to go and get more fine books. As they were pulled over a guy in a Traffic car drove off. The roadblock was mostly manned by soldiers and one tiny little guy came over and spoke to Axel, who was closest. He asked for his license and after one of the females wrote down Axels name and number on a clipboard, (Axel has that effect on women) proceeded to check the bikes license. When he walked around the bike to compare it to the licence plate (they’re from different bikes) Axel said casually “they’ve been in the sand all day, you know” and grinned sheepishly, probably hoping the soldier was aware of the effect sand could have on number plates and licence disks (sand can change legal combinations to illegal ones). This must have caused him to forget the number on the license disk as he pretended to study the license plate, nod his head and walk over to Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice was next.

Beetlejuice nearly ran away. To begin pointing out stuff that was wrong with his bike would take an hour. Lets just say nothing apart from the engine and brakes worked, although most of it were still there if a bit bent and broken. His sleeping bag and camping mattress was tied to the front of the bike, obscuring the broken headlight and the license disk. Beetlejuice quickly bent the disk out so he can see it when he asked for his drivers license. Once again his name was written down and he compared the disk to the plate. At least his matched but it was for a XT550 - the donor bike they got for spares.

Then, as Beetlejuice held his wrists to be cuffed, he grinned at Beetlejuice and waved them off. Beetlejuice was so surprised he couldn’t get the bike started. They either had bigger fish to fry or they simply felt sorry for them, looking back. Anyway the boys didn’t hang around and Beetlejuice was grinning from ear to ear for the last couple of kilometres. Later Axel admitted he almost told the soldiers to hurry up as they’re tired and it was getting dark and Beetlejuice didn’t have lights!

That might have landed them in jail, as you don’t tell soldiers to hurry up.

As they rode into Vioolsdrift it was almost dark. For the third day in a row they barely made it in time. It was also the second day where they rode 10 hours. The first day they rode for 12. they were very tired and Axel wanted a beer but there were none. No pubs either.

They wanted to head down to Piece of Paradise which everyone said was the best place to camp but it was too dark to continue so they found a caravan park right in Vioolsdrift and paid the owner R85 for the privilege of pitching their tent on a lawn and use his ablutions. Beetlejuice thinks he felt so guilty ripping them off that he brought them some beer over (one each) after some less than subtle hinting from the thirsty ones.

This day was the best of the trip. It’s a pity they didn’t take more photographs but taking photographs was less important than survival as they got lost and worried. Another thing that struck Beetlejuice was that there were people to ask directions from at almost every point in the journey where things could have gone very wrong. The woman at the neat little hut at Pella (Follow the telephone poles), the woman in the tree (The road was graded Monday), the woman at the wind mill (Yes this road goes to Vioolsdrift) and his personal favourite, the shepherd (This is a dead end, you have to go back to the two dams and head northwest there). To Beetlejuice, they were angels and he’s putting them all in his will in case they weren’t!