Nov

Chapter 5 - Cape Town to Calvinia

Chris on November 8th, 2007

It’s narrow and it’s dangerous and the people drive on it like they’re being chased by the devil himself.

Beetlejuice adjusted his bandanna, helmet and goggles and left home at exactly 6am. He had serious doubts whether they would make the gruelling 2000km trip through some of the worst terrain they could find.

Beetlejuice calculated that the 20 km to the meeting point on the N1 would take around 30 minutes and he would make the meeting time of 6:30 easy. The bike was heavily packed but at least it started easily - even though it was awkward getting to the kick-starter with the luggage strapped to the back seat. Beetlejuice putted through Strand, the bike making similar noises, then up the hill towards Stellenbosch and settled down to a steady 80 km/h. The racket from the engine was unbelievable but as Axel promised, it got better after a while - or Beetlejuice got used to it. He was wearing a T-shirt and a light windbreaker with sunglasses and an open face helmet and was fairly happy apart from the niggling worries about the mechanical condition of the bike.

It wasn’t an easy start for Axel either. The bike was packed and ready to go but he had not taken into account the 10 minutes it would take to kick-start the damn thing. After kicking and kicking he had to start stripping off the jackets and helmet before dying of exhaustion and heat stroke. After chasing Gill away with her video camera he finally got the thing fired up and wobbled off up the street wondering why he had been crazy enough to decide to ride what felt like a bucket of water 2000 kilometres. Bouncing along and swaying from side to side Axel made his way to the meeting point and wondering what would happen if he had to brake for anything. After sport bike brakes this was like having no brakes at all and he had to seriously modify his riding style. Fortunately his extraordinary riding skills stood him in good stead and he was soon riding like and old hand

Beetlejuice saw his first cop in Stellenbosch but fortunately he was headed in the opposite direction and he barely even glanced at Beetlejuice, so it seemed his road camouflage might hold up. The road was boring and when he finally got to the meeting point he was ready for a butt break. It took him longer than he thought but there was no sign of Axel, so he pulled in under some trees and stretched out on the bark and leaves, looking at the bike and wondered if it would ever make it. Beetlejuice was lost in thought when Axel came limping in. His bike was laden with luggage but sounded sweet, nothing like Beetlejuice’s ride-around WWII imitation freak show. Axel looked a lot like the camel man and Beetlejuice felt strangely out of place with his black windbreaker. Axel looked at it and immediately wanted to go back and fetch the sports bikes and leathers but Beetlejuice was determined that nothing would stop them. They checked over the bikes, synchronised their cell phones, said some prayers and then proceeded to get the bikes started.

Now, this procedure, simple as it is, was the source of much entertainment. Instead of saying: “Let’s go”, or “Lets, rock and roll” one of them would simply say, “Let the kicking begin”, it always brought a tear to the eye. Sometimes the bikes started at the 10th kick and other times you had to kick them until you were ready to pass out from exhaustion. Anyway Beetlejuice was folding double as Axel was kicking away at the kick starter without any success - It simply was extremely funny seeing the bike bouncing up and down and Axels leg working up and down like a piston but without any effect.

When they finally got the bastards started, they set off down the Klipheuwel road. It’s narrow and it’s dangerous and the people drive on it like they’re being chased by the devil himself. Simply no place for 2 slow off-road bikes. They barely survived and hung a right towards the town of Wellington. Beetlejuice was planning to go over Bain’s Kloof but after
consultation with Axel, who said the XL’s clutch didn’t feel to good and they should avoid uphill at all costs until the clutch had bedded in, they turned left and headed towards Hermon and Ceres.

Long. Boring tarred roads. Beetlejuice for one couldn’t wait to get on the dirt, so when they rode into Ceres and stopped at a Pick and Pay, they checked the bikes over - both were pissing oil - and bought some stuff to eat and drink, then filled up and headed up the (wrong) road. Beetlejuice realised this when it was to late to turn around and he hoped there’d be another road leading to the Gydo pass. ‘Struse Bob there was, you guessed it, a dirt road, so they set off along that and Beetlejuice had to congratulate himself, it looked like he had found the perfect road to introduce Axel, gently, to dirt road riding.

They liked it so much they stopped and had a brew up 5 k’s down the road. They sat there sipping sweet tea and eating rusks and man it felt good. Beetlejuice was beginning to think the bike might get him further than he first thought and was starting to relax and enjoy it.

They had some fun on the dirt road, Beetlejuice trying to show off how he can lock up the rear wheel and slide to a halt, which was a very cool and death defying trick. They had to stop in Koue Bokkeveld to buy Beetlejuice a cup and a plate which he got from the Budget Store at R1-55 for the cup and R2-75 for the plate. Cool stuff - matching set in green, nogal. Now Beetlejuice only needed a knife, fork, spoon and some minor odds and ends (like food and all the other stuff he forgot to pack).

Then they got hungry and decided to pull into Op-die-Berg where they found a typical small town café that sold everything from paraffin to knickers. They were after some meat and there was some but it was all frozen solid and would take a day to thaw out. They felt desolate, now what?

Then they walked outside and asked someone if there’s a butcher in town, he said no but pointed them towards a huge SPAR, complete with waving flags etc. How they missed that Beetlejuice had no idea. Anyway, this modern supermarket had everything they could possibly need and right away Axel was in his element, buying things and stocking up on proviant and shit. they got some meat to braai - lamb chops and bread rolls and some other stuff they thought they might need like powdered milk, sweet corn etc. Their spirits were high when they left the store. They weren’t that far from civilization after all. It took a while to kick the bikes into action but with that accomplished, they set off to find the dirt road through the Cedarburg mountain range.

Not far out of town a sign said Citrusdal so that was obviously their road and about a km further the tar turned to gravel and with hoots of excited enjoyment they hit the dirt. This was what they came for and it was going to be great. They rode along for quite a while, over mountains and up steep hills etc. The road surface was great and the bikes behaved.

It wasn’t uncomfortably hot either and before too long they started taking jackets off. On one of the peaks they decided to call it a morning and pulled into a hole where they removed gravel for the road and started braaing the meat on the gas thing Axel had. He looked a bit uncertain about that procedure but it came out very nice and they quickly dispatched the lot and washed it down with some sweet tea.

While they were sitting there, just off the road, a couple in some fancy 4 x 4 rode right past them without noticing, and they looked at each other and burst out laughing - if that couple was out to see the country, they might miss stuff. Actually to their defence, Beetlejuice thinks the woman was busy with the CD player or aircon…

After lunch they started kicking away at the bikes so they could leave, as usual Beetlejuice was bent over with laughter as Axel attempted to kick some life into the XL. It was to be the norm until he got it right, Beetlejuice would start giggling like a schoolgirl whenever it was time to saddle up at the prospect of Axel kicking and sweating and swearing and glaring at Beetlejuice. Life was great.

They rode along the deserted roads then came to the Cedarburg Nature Reserve, which looked like a very nice place to go and camp for a couple of days and easily accessible by car if you don’t mind a dirt road or two. Beetlejuice checked the map they had on a roadside billboard and it appeared like they were still a way off from the 4 x 4 track they wanted to take to Wupperthal. The map showed a fork in the road where they should turn off so they set of looking for the fork. When they found it, it didn’t really look like a 4 x 4 trail, it was a good dirt road, so they pulled into a farm and found a lot of people stacking stuff in a ware house. No -one really seemed to care about them and they just looked at them. Beetlejuice was desperately looking for someone that looked like he or she could be able to help, or even better, gave a shit about his question but they all just kept working with just the occasional glance to see if he was still there.

Then Beetlejuice spotted someone on a forklift way at the back of the store, also not really interested in Beetlejuice but worth a try as the lot in front was obviously useless. The reasoning was that if the could ride that thing (it had a lot of levers) he could probably speak and that would do nicely, thank you. Beetlejuice waltzed over and asked him about the Wupperthal road. His reply was the road forks 5 km from his gate, they are to hang a right, then proceed up the trail for 4 km where they get another fork and they have to go left at that one. He added if they go right they’re going up into the wrong mountain but they wouldn’t know it until after 28 km when they get to a padlocked gate and have to turn back when they realise it was the wrong road. To be avoided, then. He actually warmed up a lot and gave Beetlejuice a lot of information, all of it good. If only Beetlejuice could remember whether he said left or right later. When they got to the turn-off, there was a huge sign that said “Road to Wupperthal closed Mondays to Fridays”. Well, they’ll see about that, they came here to ride that road and if it’s closed, it better be closed properly or they’ll find a way through. So they gave the sign the traditional one fingered biker salute, took off and then hit a farm yard where they had to open some gates. Axel didn’t look certain when it came to the gate - probably felt they were trespassing or something and if Beetlejuice have to be honest Beetlejuice he didn’t really like it either but sometimes you just have to say darn it and open that gate and get your ass blown off, so that’s what they did.The road was very bad. They could see it could be classified as a 4 x 4 road and it was clear that the going would be hard with the packed bikes. There were deep ruts they had to ride in, then rocky patches with sharp stones, then some soft sand and all the while they were fighting the heat - which was considerable, the dust and of-course the heavily laden bikes.

Beetlejuice’s keen eyes soon spotted a fresh track in the road. It appeared to be a knobbly tyre and it was going their way, and Beetlejuice must admit he felt that it would be nice if they ran into some other bikers so they kept going and after about an hour they got to a place where there were people working on the road. It was a section that was very steep and there were about 5 or so guys and some heavy machinery that was casting some cement slabs to help the 4 x 4’s up and down. That would be why the road was closed, then. There was someone on a mountain bike that was having his wheel pumped up and Beetlejuice’s thoughts of running into another biker disappeared. It was wearing knobbly tyres and Beetlejuice felt like an idiot thinking it’s a motorcycle.

Fortunately there was a temporary detour around this obstacle. It went down the side of a steep slope and it was strewn with rocks and deep holes. Axel and Beetlejuice pulled up at the start, gulped and looked at each other. The road builders elbowed each other and moved to better vantage points. Beetlejuice decided to brave it first and started making his way down.

Beetlejuice had barely moved a meter when he realised he’s going to fall, desperately trying to slow the bike down to a speed where he could jump off and almost managed that when the front wheel slipped and he lost the whole plot. Beetlejuice did manage to jump clear of the bike and ended up on hands and knees with the bike taking a heavy tumble and we could hear the metallic sounds as it hit the rocks and cart wheeled down the hill to come to as rest against a tree.

Well to make a long story short, Beetlejuice dented his tea kettle, bent the front brake lever and indicator stem and the mirror wouldn’t screw back into the hole when Beetlejuice took it out to bend it straight. The mirror was flung into the bushes with disgust. The bike started easily afterwards even though it lost a lot of fuel and oil while laying upside down as Beetlejuice was making his painful way towards it to retrieve it. After taking a couple of pictures of Axel making his way down in more conventional style - and not managing to capture any of the terror in his eyes on film, Beetlejuice packed his camera away in disgust and they set off again.

They were starting to enjoy the dirt riding. Both would be seen spinning the bikes up and locking the rear wheels and skidding to a halt whenever they stopped. Thus they stopped at a beautiful river crossing so Beetlejuice could lick his wounds and they briefly considered camping there for the night. When it was time to cross the river the bikes didn’t drown and that was the first tumble of the trip and their first deep river crossing taken care of. They had survived both and surely now it couldn’t get worse thought Beetlejuice. Man was he wrong.

They had steadily been making their way to the top of the awesome Cedarburg mountain range. Now they were riding on the ridge and it was relatively easy going in a two-wheel track. The view was spectacular from up there. It was also very hot as, by this time, they were a lot closer to the sun that they’re used to. Then they came around a bend and there was a 4 X 4 making it’s way towards them. they squeezed passed it as the guy brought a mike to his mouth and said something - and as Beetlejuice was wondering what that was about, there was another, a girl with her feet on the dashboard and reading a book. And then another. It appeared to be a bit of a procession so they pulled over to let them pass and had to wave to every single one of them, there was around 10. Axel wanted to go back and see how they fare up that hill where Beetlejuice bought a farm. When the last car went past the guy shouted “I’m the last one” and he was probably eager to change that as he disappeared in a cloud of dust, leaving Axel and Beetlejuice spitting dust and swearing at him.

As they started making their way down the other side they came to a farm and then a low water bridge that had a lot of water in it, Beetlejuice was riding behind Axel and was hooting with laughter at Axel’s antics through the thick sand when Beetlejuice hit the water and then noticed a bunch of hikers sitting next to the river, a quick turn of the handle bars and some power and some youth with purple hair got a mouthful of fresh river water as they thundered past. Then, still grinning, they rode smack bang into a little town with snot nosed kids and frightened chickens all over the dirt road. they were chased by some skinny dogs and stopped to ask whether this might be Wupperthal but it wasn’t and they were pointed towards another river crossing, and more of those damn gates.

Then they went up a very steep hill and the road was almost non-existent. It was thick sand winding it’s way through big rocks that will put a hole in your sump if the sand got it’s way and threw you onto them. While they were wondering how this road could possibly get any worse they had to pull up on a crest and they could see Wupperthal. It was way down in the valley and the road down there was almost straight down. A baboon would need a stick to get down there. It was what they came for and in for a penny in for a pound and all that. Beetlejuice was worried, his tumble still fresh in his mind, as they set off.

It was similar going to the hill where Beetlejuice had to bail but this was 100 times longer. Admittedly some of the real hairy stretches had cement slabs of about 10 m long over it so that helped a bit at least. It was brake, brake, look for a soft spot to dive into and when you survive, look for the next spot… brake, brake, foot down…

Skidding and sliding they made it down. If there was some doubt as to whether the road is a real 4 x 4 trail that certainly didn’t exist anymore. Beetlejuice didn’t think any old 4 x 4 would make it either. As they crossed the last river before riding into Wupperthal, there were some people washing a car and having seen Beetlejuice’s trick of a flick of the handlebars and some power Axel rinsed it off for them.

The town is picturesque and most of the buildings in good state of repair. they found the general dealer and asked for some Coke. They were directed out a door and then somewhere and promptly got lost and ended up in a storeroom. The manageress came and fetch them before they could steal anything and led them to the shop which was out another door. Here they bought their Cokes and they were damn good. Now they had to get petrol, and while the school came out and there were lots of kids walking past them and looking at them and laughing Beetlejuice had to go back and eat some humble pie to get fuel.

The fuel pumps were just up the road, next to a huge old church and they had to sit around and wait for the same woman that crapped them out in the storeroom to come and operate the pump. They filled the bikes and set off down the main road. Looking at the houses and waving at the good folk of Wupperthal. Naturally, they took the wrong road and had to go all the way back and wave to them again.

The road out of the valley was a good gravel road and they made some good progress. By this time it was around 2 o’clock and they were tired and Calvinia, where they were headed, were still at least 100 km away. they lost a lot of time on the 4 x 4 trail crawling around and goofing off in the sand. Beetlejuice wiped out around a very broad corner without apparent reason but had enough time to get up and dust himself off while pretending to wait so he could take a photo of Axel, hopefully also falling, but Axel would have nothing of it. Halfway through the first day and he still hadn’t fallen off - the suspense must have been killing him and being the compassionate being that Beetlejuice is, he was hoping it would happen soon so Axel could also have the benefit of having the mounting pressure relieved.

Around four o’clock found them sitting next to a river and brewing up. It was very hot and they were covered in dust. They started looking for a place to camp but they had the feeling they’re sitting on somebody’s farm and didn’t know how they’d react to squatters. So they kept going. The bikes were hot and the TT was pissing oil but started easily and felt OK.

There were a lot of gates that had to be opened, and closed behind them, as well as a lot of those cattle grids. Beetlejuice appeared to be the designated gate opener, having to stop, settle the bike on a hard patch, walk over to the gate, figure out how it opened (they all differ) then figure out which way it opened, then walk back to the bike to move the bike further

backwards so he can open the gate wide (Axel needed a wide berth to get through the gates in the sand without hitting anything). After Beetlejuice dodged Axel and he’d disappeared up the road Beetlejuice would have to go and get the bike, ride it through and go back to close the gate. It made for a lot of getting on and off the bike. But Beetlejuice got pretty good at it in the end. Axel later explained that he couldn’t get the XL into neutral without switching it off and so couldn’t get off the bike to open gates without having to go through 10 minutes of kick starting every time. He enjoyed being able to ride through these gates without having to get off but did feel bad about Beetlejuice having to open and close each one.

The sun was setting and all of a sudden their merry progress was hampered by a huge river. To add confusion to uncertainty, they could see another road to their left that looked more like the road to Calvinia simply because it was closer to resembling a road than the one they were using. they passed a fork about 500 m back and the sand made them choose the right-hand road but now Beetlejuice was uncertain. While sitting there, scratching their heads, they noticed a farmer on a tractor on the other side of the river. The river looked wide and no-one knows how deep but if they wanted directions they had to go to the farmer and ask him. As if to make up their minds he waved at them to come on through. He’ll drag them out with the tractor if they got stuck or drowned thought Beetlejuice so he leapt off the sand bank without further ado, hooked second gear and gave that TT full throttle. The river was a lot deeper than Beetlejuice expected - his pants were wet up to his ass - and it was water. To add some spice there were also lots of slippery round river rocks under the water and the answer was clearly momentum so Beetlejuice just kept going and had to let out a whoop of joy when he made it through and turned around to admire Axels attempt. If his river crossing was anything like Axel’s that farmer must have woken up giggling with laughter a couple of times that night thought Beetlejuice. Anyway, the farmer confirmed that this was indeed the road to Calvinia - much to their surprise. They had to go up the track for 7 km’s then hang a right at the first farm house they get to - it had a blue roof. And off they went, some more gates and then they got to a farmhouse. The roof didn’t look blue to Beetlejuice in the setting son and as Axel was leading and did a good impression of being confident they kept going. Then they got to a gate and Beetlejuice had time to share his concern and he also felt the direction were wrong so they went back hoping to ask someone at the farm. The farmyard was deserted and the gate closed and who knows how big the dogs were that were inevitably hiding in the shed waiting to pounce on them.

A quick decision was made to keep riding along this road and see if they can see a farmhouse where they could ask for directions. So they started riding, doing calculations about km’s travelled and fuel left, which was difficult with riding 2nd and 3rd gear all the time and struggling through sand, but they though they would probably be OK still. Some more gates, some signs announcing the farms belong to this family or that husband and wife. they got into a rhythm of opening gates and riding through and hoping to see a house around the next corner but there was nothing. And it was getting dark. To top it all there was an ominous wind blowing.

They saw some houses after another hours riding. Before they could get to them Beetlejuice saw a sheep lying next to a fence and could swear it moved so they stopped and made their way over there. It was a big old ram and it had it’s foot stuck in the fence, probably while trying to jump it, and it was barely alive. It had started eating away at it’s leg and lost it’s bowels. Not a pretty sight, the wire was cut deep into it’s leg and it had obviously been laying there the whole day. There were some crows close by waiting for the feast to begin. The sheep also had marks on it’s face, maybe some crow got impatient. So Beetlejuice ran back to the bike to get some pliers. Using this they cut the sheep loose but it was obviously
finished. While going to a nearby dam to look for water for it they also found a dead lamb. One useless farmer.

There was nothing they could do for the sheep, it needed a bullet to end it’s suffering but you can’t go around shooting other peoples sheep so they decided to find the farmer. Beetlejuice didn’t bring a gun anyway so they got back on the bikes and soon they found some houses and after being chased by some dogs (Axel was bitten) the inhabitants directed them to the farmer whom they found sitting on his stoep having a braai with his workers. His dogs also chased them and Beetlejuice told him about the sheep and tried to look accusatory but the farmer was unfazed and said “OK thanks”. Beetlejuice felt uneasy and left because he felt sorry for the sheep and it could have been avoided if the farmer got off his fat arse and checked on his animals at least once a day - it was only about 5 km’s from his house.

All this did help them to find the road to Calvinia though. they had an hour of sun left and 80 km of bad gravel road. Remember the TT had no lights and Axels bike light was useless - if it worked at all, which Beetlejuice thought it may have but never asked. they set off trying to average 80km/h but it was difficult as the going was hard and the bikes moved around a lot in the sand. they even did a gravel mountain pass and that was totally awesome as they still tried to average 80. Try sliding around gravel corners with huge cliffs next to you and the sun almost gone. And the boards going Calvinia 60km, Calvinia 50km, Calvinia 40km etc.

The light was very bad when they hit the tar road and after a km or two ended up in Calvinia. they barely had time to find the camp site and Beetlejuice remembered it was after eight when he called the caretaker because he was pleased he wouldn’t have to pay for the telephone call. (Free calls after 8pm) She arrived and directed them to a tar spot under a tree which according to her was a good spot to camp. The she made them pay R75 for the privilege, gave them some keys and arranged for the local café to stay open for them. Axel leapt on his bike and with the yellow headlight not even bright enough to attract moths went to buy them some very nice steak burgers and chips while Beetlejuice pitched the tent. It was totally dark by now and they ate by a torch, then showered and went to sleep around 9.

Beetlejuice never goes to bed early and soon Axel was snoring away and Beetlejuice was bored. There was absolutely nothing to do, he couldn’t even check the bike in the dark so Beetlejuice brewed some tea and sat there sipping it while looking at the night skies and reflecting on gates, river crossings and almost dead sheep. What a day. His ass was very sore and his legs protested whenever he had to use them.

they covered almost 600 km in 14 hours (6 am - 8 pm) and Beetlejuice thought he was tired and stood on the foot pegs a lot. Tomorrow can only be easier, right?